I’m doing a terrible job.

I’ve kept the last couple months private for, y’know, private reasons, but I can’t lie. I haven’t been too impressed with myself.

However, for the month of May which is happening SO SOON DUDES I will yet again attempt returning to meditation. I did for a while and I loved it, but (excuses excuses) it is just incredibly difficult for me to concentrate and focus. What can I say? The world is fascinating and shiny things get too shiny and I run to them. Sometimes nothing is shiny and I stare at nothing. #life #distraction #hashtagsontumblr

Chakras are interesting and I believe the world is a whole big hippie dippie ball of energy.

So here’s me toasting to more change and progression with my Lil Jon diamond encrusted goblet.

And a picture of Kate Winslet because there just are NOT enough of them existing.

Ch-ch-check it out. I was bored and felt creative. This little gem happened.

No updates because, honestly, I haven’t cared to. But this month I’ve been trying harder at playing guitar. I don’t care about the money. For me it’s about keeping myself busy and trying to focus. IT’S SO HARD TO MAKE MONEY PLAYING GUITAR.

Guitar is hard for the ADD adult. This I know. I’ve been listening to a lot of blues and more of the Black Keys and their music has inspired me. I wanna play like a sexy sweaty man with a beard. Or like Skynyrd.

So I bought a little amp. Here it goes.

Last month (with running) was as successful as it could’ve been. I was sick for two whole weeks, which I believe was mixed in with a super emo depression due to anxiety, separation, stress and the fucking crappy winter weather. But I am proud of myself. And that’s the point.

Play on, bros. 

Well, running has been… happening. I’ve enjoyed a big chunk of it, but the parts I haven’t liked have been a super sad face. Example: yesterday I ran like crippled granny down the road because I was quite sore. It was hilariously pathetic, but I didn’t give a damn. My knees have been aching, my hips have been cramping on me, and it’s icky nasty wet outside.
I’ve had a great running buddy though. Mercy has been supportive and runs with me. We’ve hit up the high school track and even did some sprints across the football field.

If it keeps raining I will never forgive the Universe.

Alright. I wanna write some fancy introduction for this, but this yogurt has my attention. Here’s the deal: on my personal blog I used to do a personal improvement project I called Project Fuck My Week. Each week I would pick a new challenge to attempt, and they were all things I didn’t particularly WANT to do (hence the F bomb in the title). Please pardon my language if you find it offensive. I will do my best to watch my mouth until I quit wanting to.

I was thinking earlier* how I need to bring Project FMW back to life. The week concept was good, but I ran out of ideas quickly, found myself taking breaks, and forgetting which mainly put this all on hold or in an early grave. BUT, Y’ALL, since it’s the beginning of a new year I might as well take this opportunity to play this all out over a calendar year. It’s easy to remember.

Thought: if January were a person I think it would die alone.

Anyway, the week thing. So, I’m going to do it by the month. It’s a little overwhelming making changes, breaking habits CONSCIOUSLY every cotton pickin’ day. I’ll be better to myself by picking one change I’d like to make in my life per month. If multiple changes arise then, yeah, might as well go for it, huh? 

I had a problem with the project title. Project Fuck My Month (too close to mouth) or Project Fuck My Year (too close to ear). AIN’T NOBODY PUTTIN’ NOTHIN’ IN MY MOUTH OR MY EAR, YA HEAR ME?

There’s a picture Otis Redding with the words TRY HARDER over it. I LOVE IT, as Otis is my boyfriend and art is way cool. Project Try Harder sounds nice, but Try Harder Project is better because it’ll be THP. Very close to THC, the psychoactive in cannabis plants. Cannabis is a hell of a plant. LEGALIZE IT, TAX IT, HELP THE SICK PEOPLE, BE FREE.

I’m typing SO MUCH. Why, though?

I’ll leave updates and whatnot as often as I please. No worries, they will not be as long as this entry. I hope.

January’s THP: Run, Forrest, Run. I’m going to run every day this month. Exercising has rarely ever been enjoyable. I’ll give it a shot.



*I do this as often as possible

Photo art // Jason Lazarus